Lawn bowls has been uncovered as a hotbed of drug use, with sports scientists using all sorts of concoctions to keep players alive for their next game.
There is also evidence of widespread corruption, with meat raffle prizes offered to bribe players to keep quiet about the sport’s sordid goings on.
Arthur Crimshaw, head of Australian Bowling, denies any wrong doing saying it is perfectly natural for players to want to be kept alive. But he
refused to answer many questions at a press conference, mainly because his hearing aid was turned down too low.
Some players have been found to be wearing electronic devices to artificially stimulate their heart, giving them an advantage over other
players who don’t use the device and are … well, dead.
Others are taking stimulants to keep them awake during the game. These drugs have also been passed to spectators so they don’t fall asleep when
games are televised.
The government has announced a probe into the sport. Crimshaw said his players were used to probes, just as long as they’ve been sterilized and
are not too cold.


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